Author: SniperJess

There will be peace by the river

This morning I woke up and needed some sunshine. Somehow SB and I both had an empty calendar this weekend, so we decided to float the flint. It’s a 4 hour trip via canoe, and water was just perfect today. We played on the rocks, coasted through the very very small rapids, and took in the peace and quiet and beauty. After a VERY long week I really needed to get out of our house. We may need to start a whole new category on this blog called “sunscreen fail”. My handsome husband is awfully red tonight. As for me, I’m brown, exhausted, and going to sleep like a baby in a few short hours….

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I now pronounce you…

The Turners!

It’s been three weeks and we are still going strong! Good sign, right?? What an amazing few weeks it’s been. We have an awesome concert and unforgettable honeymoon to blog about soon, but nothing can overshadow the big day. I knew just as much as I was forcing time to fly by, the wedding day and events would go by just as fast. I remember heading to the ceremony wishing I could press a pause button for a day or so. Everything was so perfectly beautiful. Thunderstorms moved the ceremony inside, but considering our number of guests I think it turned out more intimate and special anyway. All of our favorite people showed up to wish us well. A great friend of mine told me recently that “as soon as you say ‘I do’ everything will just calm down and make sense”.  She was so right. I am generally anxiety driven, and this honeymoon phase has me feeling calmer and more peaceful than ever. I see a path for our family, and for once I don’t feel like it’s a path I ‘should’ be on, but a path I want to be on. I will bookmark this post so 5 years from now I can remember how blissful we were….in the midst of bitching about his socks in the floor. Although, as my husband confirms, we are the exception….so maybe I’ll just come back to check the pics. 😉

Speaking of pics. They are shit. The woman who runs Le Bam got her husband to be the “photographer”. I get this will save her money, and I saw what he was shooting with so I figured “well…that camera will work for itself”. Wrong. SB emailed her about our dissatisfaction, and she claims they were “not ready to be released and needed more editing”. Ya think? Either way, there are a few keepers and enough to get a couple framed. Other than the pics and the DJ playing ALL hip hop songs, this wedding was my favorite so far! Now it’s time to just calm down, push through these last three weeks of school, and spend the summer with this amazing little family of mine that I am just sickeningly in love with. <3

A Sniper kind of love….

Our house has been floating in the clouds lately, and I’m soaking in every.single.bit of the joy I can. The stressful part of work is nearing an end. My students will finish testing next week and we can all breath a little easier and enjoy learning a bit more. 🙂 SB’s work is super busy right now, but he’s gotten a promotion and a raise and he really does seem to love what he does.  And he’s SO good at it. It makes me proud of him and motivates me to be more passionate about my job. Also, the wedding plans are pretty much complete! We are only five days away and everything on the to do list is done! We somehow managed to NOT go into debt at all, and I even got over my wardrobe….”snafu”. Everything about this process has been fun. Making favors and finding shoes and jewelry shopping and planning the honeymoon. Knowing that the plans we are making all lead up to a marriage to SB makes me just….well giddy. I generally like to avoid cliches at all costs, but I just don’t care anymore. I am so excited for this wedding, and even more excited for this marriage.  I love the extremely healthy place SB and I are at in our relationship, and I can’t wait to make promises I know we will both keep.  I have no illusions that this love of ours will always be this easy, but I also have no doubt that when it gets hard, and when sometimes shit just sucks, we will mend anything that tries to break us. I believe in us. <3

Did I mention a honeymoon? Yup. Vegas Baby! I have never been and SB is so ready to show me what Sin City has to offer! We have shows and restaurants and tours planned and I’m already wondering if we will need more memory cards for the camera.  I imagine we will have lots more posts in the near future sharing lots of fun and news that our marriage brings. Stay tuned!

SJ

 

 

Let’s Get Real….

Is anyone every really ‘real’ on their blogs? I’m constantly jaded by social networking and observing people’s “lives” via the internet. The truth is, sometimes shit sucks. People rarely put that in their status updates. But I’ll save that rant for another post.

So let’s get real. I’ve been absent from the blog lately because school has me crazy. After school tutoring until 5 and Math Team and Talent Shows and Grad School and planning a wedding….there’s lots going on. Even in the midst of that I need want to blog more. To scrapbook my memories..to get thoughts out and spare my poor fiance a bit..to share what’s real.

Sometimes…I just get sad. I have a “cloudy” day and I just chalk it up to “one of those days”. Maybe it’s because I don’t handle hurt, disappointment, failure well. (Who does, right?). So I don’t deal with those gross things. I dig a trench, and bury them under. Maybe the bastards find a way to crawl out from under the dirt whenever they’d like and give me a week of struggles. Maybe I’m just a woman. Hormonal. Moody. High maintenance. Either way, I get en-capsuled in this shell. Joy and life and normalcy fly by and simply bounce off my shell. It is very. frustrating. It feels like I’m a prisoner and as hard as I try I just cannot get the damn thing to budge. Sleep though…sleep always feels better. All my stupid little shell needs is for me to be tired, or for me to fight with my mom, or for one forgotten check to clear…and it’s made of steel. Interestingly enough, I can wake up the next day…or in four days…and it’s gone. I am free.

Thankfully, I have SB on my side. Where that man gets all his patience…I will never understand. He also struggles with his own ‘clouds’, and maybe that’s why he’s so good at noticing mine. When I smile and fake it, he always knows that deep down I’m struggling. I’m learning that maybe I can be in control of the things that make me feel so…out of control. SB has a way of not breaking my shell for me, but pushing me towards opportunities and reasons to break myself free on my own. Sunday morning I just.wanted.to.sleep. All day. Curtains drawn. TV low. I craved it. “Let’s go climb a mountain..” he said. *Vomit* is what I thought. That is the LAST thing I wanted to do. But I did it. I watched behind my Kardashian sunglasses as my son played ‘lava’ with SB. As dads with babies on their backs and young couples with dogs all made the trek to the top. The view is always great and the fresh air was intoxicating. By the time we got to the bottom, my shell had some pretty substantial holes in it. Maybe I am in control of this damn thing after all….

I want to post this and these pictures to remember that sometimes, things just suck. Parents die and friends disappear and humans disappoint you. It’s okay to be sad. It’s also okay to move on from that sadness….One mountain at a time.

And just like that…

Christmas is over! This time of year always seems to fly by so quickly. This has been the best holiday I’ve had in a few years…I had genuine holiday spirit! The house was crazy decorated, I shopped early, I listened to Christmas songs, and drove around looking for lights. Everyone was spoiled with presents and we got to spend some great time with family.

Speaking of family…I am SO proud of my side this year! I have silently proclaimed myself as the new matriarch of this family and hosted dinner/presents at our house this year. We had a delicious meal, talked nicely, opened gifts, and ate brownies. ALL without the first smart ass comment or sarcasm from ANYone.  Those who know us…know this was truly a Christmas miracle. I hope this is a sign of more peace and understanding to come with all of us.

Then, of course, there’s Santa! Chase woke up to everything he wanted and then some. I heard him wake up (way too early) and walk into the living room and whisper “Haaaaaaah!”. Then promptly walk his bare feet back to his room. A few minutes later he was in our bedroom talking about how Santa left a basketball goal and he ate his cookies and drank his milk.  I soaked up the excitement in his voice and listened to the quiet voice in my head that told me this may be our last “Santa” Christmas we get to have with him. It made me sad to know that my little boy is getting so big and will soon face the realities of the world, but I saved that for another day and ran into the living room to scope out the loot! Santa spoiled us, and SB did too.  He followed my Amazon wish list closely and I was thrilled.

Christmas lunch started at SB’s parent’s house.  As soon as we walked in we were greeted with hugs, presents, and the most delicious smell of a home cooked meal. Gah…I really do love these people! So different from my family, and appreciated more than I’m sure they know.  SB’s mom surprised me with a sewing machine and all the necessities that go along with it! I had forgotten I even threw one of those on my Azon wish list, but was so excited to see it! She’s going to be my sewing mentor, and I can’t wait to get a sewing table set up in the bonus room. Hand made presents galore this year!! Just as the last gift was opened, we got another surprise: a white Christmas!! The huge snowflakes were beautiful and the fact that it was Christmas just made it all the more magical. We ate amazing food (I mean really…Sandy showed out) while the snow fell and demanded took leftovers for dinner. Chase went to his dad’s to play in the snow, and SB and I came home to hibernate and rest. Deliciously beautiful holiday.

Sounds perfect huh? Well…not even 24 hours after Christmas and we grinched this place up. Tree: gone. Decorations: gone. Level 5 cleaning job in the house and we’re almost back to normal! As awesome as it was….it’s nice to have it all packed up and ready for next year also.

It’s been an awesome and interesting few weeks. I have a blog in the works about commitment and love and how in the real world – sometimes shit sucks. But until then…let’s revel in the Christmas hangover and the warm fuzzies that came along with this year’s holiday. OH! And Santa had another (large) surprise up his sleeve. He brought us a new addition. Our ‘graceful’ great dane. She deserves a post all on her own. It’ll be coming soon!

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SJ

Catching Up…

Halloween Happened…Trunk or Treat, giving out candy, eating lots of candy, and loving the weather.

I went to restore some sanity with HBean. There’s lots to say about this weekend, but what stands out the most is the how much we laughed. It was an awesome rally to be a part of, and a great weekend.

We’ve gotten settled into the house, finally. The garage needs a weekend devoted to it, but doesn’t everyone’s? We’ve gone on dates, made chili, and SB built a doghouse that may deserve it’s only post. In wedding news, we got our save the dates, and found our counselor/officiant for the ceremony. I also found someone to make my dress! Knowing I will be fitted for it soon has motivated me to join Gold’s Gym down the road and finally see what all this “zumba” fuss is about. The jury’s still out on that one…

What’s next though: holidays! This time of year always flies by but it’s my favorite! Hopefully we can get our blog moving a bit quicker and post more often. Happy Thanksgiving!!

What’s now.

I was driving down the interstate to get a massage in the city this morning when I heard that familiar noise.  The same one that always gives my insides a little jolt when I hear it. No matter what I’m doing, it always makes me stop for a second and remember, and ache a bit, and smile.

To the left of me in the HOV lane there were two bikes. A guy on one, a woman on the other. It’s a beautiful almost Fall weekend and between the weather and the comforting sound that the bikes make I let myself for a moment pretend that the couple on the Harley’s was one I knew not too long ago (or so it seems…). A couple that was spending the weekend riding in the mountains or on their way to a bike show or heading up to Helen. A couple that had a dysfunctional balance in life and lived it to the fullest. They were loud and large and crazy and happy. I let them be that couple again, even if it was just for a minute and I soaked in every bit of peace it gave me. I promised myself to save some of that peace in a reserve tank for later use.

Had the daydream been real, and had that couple really been my parents…would I have appreciated it as much as I longed for it today? I got mad at myself once I realized the answer. Mad that I wait until my present becomes my past before I absorb it’s potential and appreciate what I have. I got disappointed that even if that daydream was today, I would still find frustrations with that couple and criticize the choices they made….and now here I am wishing that daydream was real so desperately. The couple on the Harley’s today helped me remember that I don’t want to wait until a year from now to appreciate what today gives me. To stop asking “what’s next?” and start focusing on what’s now.

What’s now is that we’re packing. Ben and Chase are up to 25 boxes (and I helped a tiny bit). Two weeks from today we’ll be in a house starting a new chapter. I’m so excited about it! What’s now is that I have a healthy, ever-growing relationship with a man who I love and respect. I have a beautiful son who has me in awe daily. What’s now is I have great friends, a best friend who at days is like oxygen to me, and family who will always be a work in progress. What’s now is I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m happy.  🙂

Gettin’ Belay’d.

So many exciting possibilities have happened in the Sniper family this weekend…but I don’t wanna jinx ’em. So you’re gonna have to wait!

So Ben and I got invited to go rock climbing this past Friday. It sounds like something to do with good friends to get us out of the house so we decide to give it a try. The week rolls by and before I know it I’m driving home tired, hungry, and dirty. (Dirty b/c I didn’t take a shower that morning b/c I stayed up too late b/c I can NOT put down my new book series…but anyway). So needless to say I was not overly excited about our new adventure. We get to the place though and let me tell you…it’s really awesome! It’s called Stone Summit and I’m immediately intimidated as soon as I walk in the door. There are pros here and 5 year old’s that make me feel completely incompetent. So we walk up to the counter.

Jess: “Um…yeah..so we wanna climb?”

ClimberDude: “Ok…reservation or belay test?”

Jess: “Um…no, and…what?”

ClimberDude: “Do you need a belay test?”

Jess: “Hmm..I have no idea. What is that?”

Ben: “It’s the person who stands on the ground and holds the rope for the climber…”

Jess: “Oh. Um. No.”

Yeah, I’m the last person who needs to be responsible for holding someone up on that rope. I get my gear and shoes, and Bob shows me how to put it all on. It makes me feel even more out of place and awkward but it makes SB’s package look nice…so I comply. Maybe it was my hesitation…or it could’ve been me telling Kit that I’m not even sure I’m getting up ON that wall…but we head to the “training/kid/n00b” area. James shows me how to tie the right knots and gives me enough info to get started. I start to climb and I literally.petrified. The only option I have is to keep going up b/c down is not possible. (Mind you, I’m only about, eh, 5 feet in the air). BUT…I make it to the top. Letting go was the hardest. I kept telling James “you don’t know how heavy I am! Please don’t drop me”, but he lowers me down nice and easy and I’m immediately proud of myself and have a huge sense of release. We practice a few more times then head down with the big boys.  These guys were hanging from places in the wall that had me in awe. The muscle strength and balance and physics that it takes to rock climb is unbelievable. Kit, James and Bob are awesome. We all took turns and helped each other out and by the end of the night I was tired, blistered, and sore…but I felt great. It’s definitely a hobby I want to keep up! Eventually…I may even get up the guts to belay someone. Anyone want to be my first climber??!!