Where to begin…
What a whirlwind of an adventure these past few months have been. I can honestly only speak for myself, as I know Jess has had her fair share of ups and downs with this pregnancy.
In 7 days, yes SEVEN days Jack will be here. I can’t believe how quickly that crept up on us. Some how it’s flown by and crept along all the same. There were weeks and months that just wouldn’t end, but in hindsight they were gone in the blink of an eye. Jess has had a heck of a time with this one. A week ago we were in the hospital dealing with an ungodly migraine the likes that she had never experienced. A headache so bad it kept her home from work for 5 days! That’s not something you want to go through at the end of your pregnancy. Luckily, they subsided and she was back on her feet. I don’t envy what she went through, but am happy that it was relatively short-lived.
For me, I can say that I’ve gone through a lot of emotional turmoil, especially here recently. There were days when I resented Jack for taking away my wife and causing her pain, and for making her unable to enjoy things with Chase, Lane, and I. Before he was even born, I was already at a place where I was angry at him. How totally unfair is that?! My own child, who is merely growing and has no knowledge of anything other than his mother’s womb was making me angry. That only made me even more angsty. I got mad at myself for getting mad. But those days were few and far between.
There were other days when I thought how lucky I am to be able to have another child, and a boy at that! I would look at Lane or Chase, and just be utterly surprised at how wonderful they were. Two boys roughing around the house playing and laughing and having the best time of their lives. Not really knowing that in no time at all, they would have a 3rd joining their party. Lane would become an OLDER brother and get to pass down things that Chase taught him. The two of them would be best buds and go on adventures and play and do all the things that brothers do. Chase would be the older brother in the crew shuttling around his little brothers and rasslin’ with them. All the while, Jess and I would get to sit by and watch it all unfold in front of us. How did we get so lucky? Those days were far more numerous!
It all happened so fast. Just yesterday we were TALKING about getting pregnant, right? But at the same time, we had done so much these past nine months. Granted this summer was not as adventurous as last summer, but we still did a lot! We had still managed to cram a ton of things into our plate and get here to the end.
The house is ready and stocked with clothes and all the necessities needed for Jack’s arrival next week. Jess is eager to have him, if only to start the recovery process, and I simply can’t wait to meet him. I think Jess has made more of a connection with him than I did. I feel like with Lane I made a quick connection, mainly because he was my first child by birth. I had never been through something as wonderful as holding my son for the first time and all the preparations. So I was able to connect and really get involved. With Jack, it seems to me that I’ve actually grown closer to Lane and Chase. Mainly because at least over the past month or so, Jess has been unable to really participate in everything and I typically take the reigns when it comes to managing the boys. Getting them to/from school, baths, play time, shopping, etc. I’ve really had to stay on my game when it comes to their day-to-day happenings. So that has brought me closer to them. On the flip side however is that it hasn’t really allowed me to be as close to Jack as I want to be. That will all change next week. I will actually be able to hold him, see him with my own eyes, care for him, and provide the things he needs. Something only Jess has been able to do for the duration of this pregnancy. I just can’t wait to hold him and talk to him and give him all the love and attention I can.
Jess said it when she was pregnant with Lane and I didn’t fully understand it then, but the love in our lives doesn’t get divided amongst our kids, it simply grows. We somehow get more! We don’t love one kid more than the other because that’s all that we have. We love all our kids more because they bring us love in return. Jack will be a wonderful addition to our family. There will be days when we’re all fed up or sick or frustrated or tired, but those days just like any other will pass. We’ll go on adventures, take vacations to places we’ve never been, tell stories, take pictures, and keep on being the amazing family we are. Jess and I can’t wait for the next chapter in our lives, and lucky for us, we don’t have to wait much longer to experience it!