Author: SniperJess

the best laid plans…

It’s funny to look back on my last post. It was not that long ago and since my “balance and peace” post I have been in quite a little rut. I haven’t been able to pinpoint that exact reason why I’ve been in said rut…it’s just been a long month. I do contribute a huge part of it to my 2+ hour a day commute. Despite my efforts I didn’t get a job closer to home, so we’re in the process of finding a home closer to the job. We did some house hunting this weekend and found a really awesome area and I’ve got my fingers crossed that something comes through for us. Apartment living is fun, but we’re ready for the next step. A house with a yard and neighbors and a bit more privacy is definitely a step in the right direction.

Besides the drive, I feel like I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with the weight of life. My immediate family is, I’ve decided, going to be forever a work in progress. It feels a bit like a roller coaster with them where I feel close and healthy one day, then it’s all fallen apart and drama and tears ensue by bedtime. I’m trying to just take a deep breath and do my best with them. I’m staying at my mom’s house a few nights a week and it seems to help a bit. At least until that next hill. Additionally, HBK’s dad is an idiot. And that’s putting it nicely. I try to maintain some semblance of peace with him, for my son’s sake…but the fact is he is a moron and a bigot. It’s a biweekly reminder of how much harder I want to work with Chase to be a loving, healthy, accepting person.

Thankfully, I do have a much needed 2 week break from grad school. Work is starting to level out and I have a great group of 4th graders this year. I miss last year a lot. I shared stories and laughed more and looked forward to different things when I walked into work. Life changes and babies and grade level changes have made this year much more “work” and much less “fun”. I do love having HBK with me and observing a bit of his life in elementary school. He has a “friend” he has become very fond of. His shyness about her is very sweet. 🙂 Oh..and did I mention the weather? I swear this Georgia heat/humidity has added to my crabbiness. This weekend we finally got a break from it and I even felt a breeze. I didn’t sweat the second I stepped outside and maybe it’s dumb, but I know it’s helped me “cool off” some of my grumpies.

And then there were the Snipers. We had such a wonderful summer of sleeping in and road trips and vacations and relaxation. Now…we have house hunting, moving, work, and a wedding on our plate. Yikes! Oh..and did I mention the new addition? We rescued a retriever/lab mix from the Atlanta Humane Society. Her name is Jan and she gets a post of her own soon. She is an adorably sweet self made princess and she’s a LOT of work. (I know…did we really need a dog? I whined and pouted though…so he gave in). There’s been lots of talk about moving and the wedding…but tiny baby steps towards each. This is what I love about our relationship. We talk. When I’m pissy and moody and snappy about things (yea, those who know me nod in agreement) I’m just not a fun person to be around. SB is patient…and we always talk about it. I’m figuring out where these moods stem from and taking care of them on sarcastic phrase at a time.

I’m cautious about the move…and cautious about the wedding plans…and these are both a very good thing. I’m SO not good at baby steps. I like big ol’ giant leaps a lot better. But I want this next year…this life of ours…to be built with thought and analyzed with a purpose, not just thrown together. I want peace and love and seren….ah shit…did Jan just piss in the floor again? BEN!!!!!

😉

untitled.

I feel like I am on a journey. a spiritual, growing up, peace finding journey. Actually…once I realized this, it became clear that I’ve been on this journey for almost a year now. At times it seems crazy to think about how much life has changed in the past few years, but when I look at the changes I smile. I used to constantly fight with myself between doing what’s right…and doing what feels right.  I almost always did the latter even though I always knew better.  And I almost always felt the blow of consequences that followed. I was frequently frustrated…always confused with what I wanted. Now, for the first time ever, what I want is what’s right. What feels right…and what IS right…are very seldom two different things for me now. I can’t begin to describe to you the peace that has brought to my life.

When Ben and I met we were both extremely unbalanced people.  We were so wrong for each other and the timing couldn’t have been worse. About a year later…everything lined up. We went on a date. Started over. I wasn’t sure we would ever earn each others trust, and let me tell you it was NOT easy. But we did. We found trust, and balance, and priorities. We became a family and most importantly I learned how to put other people first. I was such a selfish person…and I’m learning how to love selflessly. I’m learning how to love the way people need to be loved. The rewards and the contentment and the….peace that comes from it is nothing like I can ever explain.

I don’t know where all of this has come from. Maybe from the awesome weekend that is ending. The weekend I so needed to relax, recharge my batteries (as Ben puts it), and reflect. School has started back and I feel the stress starting to build back up.  I don’t, however, feel that “thing” I used to feel. I used to have this little…ball of energy. Negative, confused energy. It bounced back and forth from side and side and never allowed me to just stop. and be content. and feel peace. This journey of mine has helped that crazy energy go away. I’ve finally said “this is what I want…and I am going to do what’s right to get it”. at times it was damn near impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel…and the number of people who are no longer in my life or who are no where near where they used to be in my life is huge. but the people who have embraced the change..or have at least acknowledged the change and remained patient, i am so so thankful for. no…i can’t do this by myself. yes…i do need help. this is just the beginning ….stay tuned. 🙂

He went to Jared. :)

I’m engaged!!! 🙂  Here’s how it went down:

A month or so ago Ben marked a weekend on our gmail calendar as “Do not plan a thing”. Hhmm…my interest is peaked. We’re big on planning surprise trips or dates for each other, so I had a few ideas in my head. A few days prior to the weekend, I was having a crappy day. We found out that canceling our lease would require selling a kidney so my heart was sunken with the thought of driving the same commute to work until at least March. SB lifted my spirits by telling me that the weekend would involve a cabin in Blue Ridge, a hot tub, lots of food and beverages, and four of our close friends: Kit, Bob, Kim, and James. I was stoked! An adult weekend away was the best way to wrap up the summer before returning back to work!

So Friday is finally here and we got off to a late start. I dropped SniperHBK off with his dad, SB made last minute trips to the store, we finished packing, loaded up, stopped for a quick dinner, sat in traffic, sang some Eminem while driving in the rain, and finally made it to Wild Azalea! The others were there waiting and we had an awesome night! We filled the hot tub with beer and laughter and memories and woke up the next morning feeling a little…well…yeah, hungover. It was a lazy day filled with naps and eating and movies. At one point we all decided to go for a walk outside. Ben was very eager about our walk! We went down a trail to the water and by the time I made it back up I was done. Hot, tired, hungover, done. Ben suggested we go for a bit more of a walk (bless him…he was trying!)..but I needed air conditioning and a nap. After some much needed recovery, SB and I went out to the porch to enjoy the view. We both really love the mountains. Thin air, lots of green, lots of quiet. As we were enjoying the view Ben asked me an odd question…

SB: “Are you happy?”….

SJ: “Of course I’m happy…”

SB: “Are you like…the happiest ever?”

SJ: giggling…”I mean..yeah, I’m pretty dang happy”

At this point I start to notice a change. His heart literally felt like it was about to beat out of his chest. I looked up at him a bit confused and asked something along the lines of..”Are you ok?”

SB: “I need you to do me a favor…” reaches in pocket

SJ: Oh…my…God…are you kidding me?

Sweet words…a few tears…and a “Yes! I will!” later…and we were engaged! We announced the news to our friends (who had no idea it was going to happen) and we spent the rest of the weekend floating around in Blue Ridge.

So now the planning starts! We’re not typically traditional people..and this will be a second marriage for both of us, so we’ve thrown a lot of ideas and dates around. Nothing is definite yet…but Vegas in April is looking like a mighty fine idea!

Road Trip – NC (Day 2)

Day 2 of NC was a perfect way to wrap up our family road trip!  The boys and I, along with the Bateman’s, headed off to play in the Atlantic for a few hours! After a quick stop at the “Shark Store” for a boogie board, a kite, and sand toys, we arrived at the beautiful beach! As a child, my family typically went to the Gulf for our vacations and the beaches there are gawgeous! I have to admit I was surprised to see how nice the Atlantic was how big and beautiful the waves were. Perfect for boogie boarding and body surfing. 🙂 Chase had the best time playing in the waves. I was a nervous wreck as usual…thinking he was going out too far…worried about the under toe…etc., but everybody had a safe, fun time. We wrapped up the day with some fresh seafood and a great dinner. By the end of the day we were full, tired, sunburned, and happy. We had such an amazing time on our trip, but we all agreed we were ready to be home. One final night in NC and we were heading home to sweet ol’ Georgia. The ride home was nice and quiet for the most part. Chase amazed me as a road tripper and really was an awesome car rider. As we crossed into the Georgia state line we found a Randy Travis station on Pandora that brought me right back to road trips I’ve taken in my life and the trips  I took as a child in my dad’s ‘big truck’. As we listened and sang along I laughed and cried and smiled and shared stories and memories that the old country songs brought back to me. I felt lucky to have had the ‘abnormal childhood’ that I often joke about and to have such great memories connected to song…and even more lucky that my son will have his own road trip stories to tell now. This trip was my favorite part of my summer vacation…and little did I know it would soon be tied with another favorite part of the summer…just a few weeks later…

The Pics:
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Road Trip – NC (Day 1)

I am an avid list maker…which inspired to me to change it up a bit make a list of all the fabulous things we did on our first day in NC.

  • Survived horrible traffic on 95South, but made it to the Camp Lejeune Inn. Nice and economical!
  • Visited the “mall” on base for last minute must haves.
  • Had a cookout at the Bateman’s!
  • Watched the kids play in the water all day!
  • Listened to Marines talk about things and acronyms I pretended to understand.
  • Watched Marines grill meat!
  • Met new friends. 🙂
  • Drank beer and ate delicious food!
  • Fashioned a homemade fly trap!
  • Ate MORE delicious food. (Hey..it’s vacation!?)
  • Played RockBand
  • Watched three kids wrestle and tackle a Marine for about an hour.
  • Sat with friends and family to watch one of the best fireworks shows ever!
  • Celebrated the fourth with my two loves, and awesome friends we don’t see enough.
  • Prepared for day 2! BEACH DAY!!

The Pics:
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Road Trip – Philly

Pool time!

Despite a bit of construction traffic we arrived in Philly a little after lunch time on Wednesday. Everyone was awaiting our arrival and it felt so good to be there! I love the constant flow of visitors and family through the house and MAN did we eat! The first night my Grandmom made us the most delicious meal: Ham, beans, potatoes, rolls. It was so nice to take a break from eating out or grabbing fast food on the road. We spent the rest of the evening relaxing and learning how to play pinochle. It’s a family tradition and SniperBen fell into place so perfectly. Everyone seemed to love him and he even got in some guy time with one of my uncles!
Continue reading “Road Trip – Philly”

A break from Summer?

Here’s the rundown:

1 – sick boyfriend. Tired, achy, pissed off stomach, sunburned, yuck.

1- sick boy. Warm, tired, achy, sore throat, sunburned, yuck.

1 – empty refrigerator + 1 messy apartment = 4 to 5 hours of ‘chores’ to do

1 – amazing weekend that makes it all worth it

It started off with a night of bowling with the boys at 300 here in Dunwoody. We wanted to get warmed up before HBK’s birthday party at the bowling alley next weekend. Saturday morning we got an early start. Chase went golfing with his uncle then had plans to spend the rest of the day at the pool with his grandmom, and SB and I headed to float the hooch with friends for Bob’s birthday! We had about 6 or 7 floats tied together and despite the freezing water and a mid day storm, we had a really, really good time! We will post pics soon. I definitely want to get back out there on a canoe and take the HBK with us! He would love it. After rafting we cleaned up and went back to K-Bob’s for dinner and fun and promptly falling asleep on the couch (me). Sunday was another HOT day in Georgia. We had plans to go to the ArtBQue in Decatur, but I knew if we were going to be outside it would have to be in some water. After a breakfast at our favorite place we went down to get the HBK from my moms. The pool was too inviting so we spend yet another day in the sun and in the water. After, I pull together what little energy I had left to drive home, shower, and get right in bed watch the Kardashians.

So my job today is to get this place in order and get these boys feeling better! I have to much to do this week to have soldier down. Chase’s birthday is in a week and we’re attempting going to make his wrestling ring cake, plus I gotta find him a desk for one of his presents. My bestie is turning 30 this week and we are catering her party in two weeks. We also have a road trip that I am getting SO excited for at the end of this month. Throw in there house hunting since the job search didn’t go as planned.  Summer vacation is starting off pretty busy, but after the road trip we are going to RELAX! …who am I kidding? I slept until 11:00 am today. 🙂 Here’s to summer!

Oh! And True Blood is back! Are you watching?? It’s off to a great start already!

SniperEdit:
Here are the pics from the rafting trip. They don’t quite capture all the fun, but some come VERY close.

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Summah Summah Summah Tiiiime…

Summer is here which means relaxing time is a must. I do, though, have an almost 8 year old (how is that possible btw?) so part of our summer will include exploring the beautiful area we live in. Chase has a full list of things to see and do, but we started simple. Fernbank Museum of Natural History and Centennial Olympic Park to play in the water fountains! It was just the two of us, and we really enjoyed our day together. We were both in awe of the huge dinosaur replicas and I’m pretty sure I have a space geek in training! We came home and decked out his room with glow in the dark starts and planets. I’m so thankful that my job allows me to spend the summers with the SniperHBK, even on the days where boredom has taken over and we’re driving each other nuts. I’m hoping the SB can get some time off and join us on some adventures! Coming up soon…HBK’s 8th birthday and a cross country road trip! Pray we all still love each other at the end of that one! 😉

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Bienvenidos Atlanta!!

I’m not sure if it was the time difference or not…but the days in El Salvador were LONG! This was a good thing. I remember being at the beach or in the pool and it felt like 5:00. Thinking we should get ready for our dinner reservations, I would check the time and was always baffled that it was only 1 or 2 o’clock. Things moved slowly, time moved slowly, people moved slowly. The last month of school for me was fucking ridiculous a little busy so I soaked up the El Salvadorian pace as much as possible. No where to be at a specific time…no watch..no phone…just peace.

El Savador Sunsets. 🙂

Now I will say that the laid back feeling was put on hold for our travel day. Here’s what I knew: 1) We were at LEAST 2 hours from the rental car place. 2) Where was that rental car place again? 3) Every time we venture out on four wheels, we get lost. 4) We had buddy passes 5)There is only ONE flight from San Salvador to Atlanta, GA a day.

Needless to say we left pretty early. We enjoyed another beautiful drive and were confident about directions so we were able to relax and talk and take pics and enjoy what may be one of most beautiful places I have ever been. I found myself envying the country that only a few days prior I was cursing at. It was raw, untouched, un-superficial, and happy. I remember wondering what the native people would think of Americans if they visited our home.

Beautiful Country!

So we made it…and everything was smooth sailing. The bridge was out, again. We drove through the river, again. We were stopped by the policia in a routine traffic stop and made it to the rental car place with time to spare! They took us to the airport, bags checked, gate found, snack had…we were ready! Then…the stress began. Have you ever flown on standby? Well, it’s one thing to fly standby on a flight that leaves every 30 minutes, it’s another thing entirely to wait for seats on a flight that happens once a day! The gate filled up, fast. No one at the desk could tell us if we were getting on. I tried taking a head count of the people at our gate…there at least 100.

Ben: “Umm…ok. Maybe we should start thinking of a plan b?”
Jess: Biting nails. “No. There is no plan b. There is only plan a. Which is us, on that plane.”
Cue hispanic man who sits in one of the few empty seats (beside me) dressed like a soldier only he’s not, but he does know his English expletives and smells likes he’s been up drinking for about oh, say, three days.
Hombre: “I’m sick of this fucking country…you? The police stole my laptop…and you know…I got a little pissed off…you know? Those police back there? points behind us to three cops… They are the ones…they are pissing me off following me. Hey amigo..to Ben…take this back to your friends…yeah?”
He laughs…and hands Ben a homemade ‘cigar’ with God knows what inside of it.
Ben: Politely “Oh no thank you…I’m gonna pass this time.”
Jess: Oh my God we’re gonna be stuck here forever…

All dramatics aside, they loaded the plane for about 20 minutes before FINALLY calling our names. Biggest sigh of relief ever! And..it was first class. We watched a movie, had a great meal, and prepared to be home. I miss my nino so much I wanted to kiss his cheeks off when I saw him! We landed and were high on life. We made a beeline for baggage claim and were going to book it home because a very, very important finale was coming on that night! Last snag of the trip: no luggage. None of our three bags had made the trip back to Los Estados Unidos. We claimed the luggage as lost and made it home just in time to order a pizza and crash. Thankfully..the luggage showed up later that week!

Love and Weddings in El Salvador!

We have souvenirs and memories from the trip that I will never forget. Jude and Neal are such a beautiful couple inside and out and being a part of their beautiful wedding was an honor. Adios El Salllbaaaddoooorrr!!!!!

No habla Espanol…

So we survived travel day! I will tell you that my anxiety level reached record levels that day. It’s funny how quickly my adventurous, spontaneous, free spirited ways drift away as I get older. I was literally a scared ball of nerves and felt so out of control. I kept telling SB that had I taken this trip with anyone else…I may have had a mental breakdown! Somehow…that man bring out a patient and level headed Jess. Calm, patience Jess. :)

The next day was Thursday. Jueves. (I do remember some things from High School!) We started the day off with a massage on the beach. It was JUST what my body needed after travel day and we walked out of the tiki huts feeling fannnntastic. We hit the pool asap and had cold drinks in our hands. We were ready to take on the challenges of language barriers and enjoy the beauty that was around us. What we were NOT prepared for…was the sun. Somehow, the idea to dab on a lil sunscreen escaped both of us. We don’t put it on at home…probably won’t need it here, right? Wrong. Only a few short hours later we realized just how burnt we were. Despite our efforts to put on sunscreen after the fact we decided to head inside for a siesta and to get out of the ball of fire.

Just a few hours too late!

Viernes. Needless to say we were sunburned, but we were feeling more and more comfortable with the surroundings at Decameron. We figured out what to eat (and more importantly NOT eat) at the restaurants and found a modest little spot on the beach to spend the day. It was covered by a tiki hut umbrella thing to block any unnecessary sun. We did some exploring in the ocean and took lots of pics. We relaxed and we had some talks that brought our relationship to an even better level. We needed this trip. 🙂 We also needed the day of relaxing to prepare us for the following day…Neal and Jude getting married! On Sabado…we continued our journey…

Beautiful day to be in love