I asked a girl, by the name of Jessica, out. It was our first official date and it pretty much encompassed everything that our relationship stood for. Here’s how it went…
Continue reading “Just over a year ago…”
Category: Love
What’s now.
I was driving down the interstate to get a massage in the city this morning when I heard that familiar noise. The same one that always gives my insides a little jolt when I hear it. No matter what I’m doing, it always makes me stop for a second and remember, and ache a bit, and smile.
To the left of me in the HOV lane there were two bikes. A guy on one, a woman on the other. It’s a beautiful almost Fall weekend and between the weather and the comforting sound that the bikes make I let myself for a moment pretend that the couple on the Harley’s was one I knew not too long ago (or so it seems…). A couple that was spending the weekend riding in the mountains or on their way to a bike show or heading up to Helen. A couple that had a dysfunctional balance in life and lived it to the fullest. They were loud and large and crazy and happy. I let them be that couple again, even if it was just for a minute and I soaked in every bit of peace it gave me. I promised myself to save some of that peace in a reserve tank for later use.
Had the daydream been real, and had that couple really been my parents…would I have appreciated it as much as I longed for it today? I got mad at myself once I realized the answer. Mad that I wait until my present becomes my past before I absorb it’s potential and appreciate what I have. I got disappointed that even if that daydream was today, I would still find frustrations with that couple and criticize the choices they made….and now here I am wishing that daydream was real so desperately. The couple on the Harley’s today helped me remember that I don’t want to wait until a year from now to appreciate what today gives me. To stop asking “what’s next?” and start focusing on what’s now.
What’s now is that we’re packing. Ben and Chase are up to 25 boxes (and I helped a tiny bit). Two weeks from today we’ll be in a house starting a new chapter. I’m so excited about it! What’s now is that I have a healthy, ever-growing relationship with a man who I love and respect. I have a beautiful son who has me in awe daily. What’s now is I have great friends, a best friend who at days is like oxygen to me, and family who will always be a work in progress. What’s now is I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m happy. 🙂
the best laid plans…
It’s funny to look back on my last post. It was not that long ago and since my “balance and peace” post I have been in quite a little rut. I haven’t been able to pinpoint that exact reason why I’ve been in said rut…it’s just been a long month. I do contribute a huge part of it to my 2+ hour a day commute. Despite my efforts I didn’t get a job closer to home, so we’re in the process of finding a home closer to the job. We did some house hunting this weekend and found a really awesome area and I’ve got my fingers crossed that something comes through for us. Apartment living is fun, but we’re ready for the next step. A house with a yard and neighbors and a bit more privacy is definitely a step in the right direction.
Besides the drive, I feel like I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with the weight of life. My immediate family is, I’ve decided, going to be forever a work in progress. It feels a bit like a roller coaster with them where I feel close and healthy one day, then it’s all fallen apart and drama and tears ensue by bedtime. I’m trying to just take a deep breath and do my best with them. I’m staying at my mom’s house a few nights a week and it seems to help a bit. At least until that next hill. Additionally, HBK’s dad is an idiot. And that’s putting it nicely. I try to maintain some semblance of peace with him, for my son’s sake…but the fact is he is a moron and a bigot. It’s a biweekly reminder of how much harder I want to work with Chase to be a loving, healthy, accepting person.
Thankfully, I do have a much needed 2 week break from grad school. Work is starting to level out and I have a great group of 4th graders this year. I miss last year a lot. I shared stories and laughed more and looked forward to different things when I walked into work. Life changes and babies and grade level changes have made this year much more “work” and much less “fun”. I do love having HBK with me and observing a bit of his life in elementary school. He has a “friend” he has become very fond of. His shyness about her is very sweet. 🙂 Oh..and did I mention the weather? I swear this Georgia heat/humidity has added to my crabbiness. This weekend we finally got a break from it and I even felt a breeze. I didn’t sweat the second I stepped outside and maybe it’s dumb, but I know it’s helped me “cool off” some of my grumpies.
And then there were the Snipers. We had such a wonderful summer of sleeping in and road trips and vacations and relaxation. Now…we have house hunting, moving, work, and a wedding on our plate. Yikes! Oh..and did I mention the new addition? We rescued a retriever/lab mix from the Atlanta Humane Society. Her name is Jan and she gets a post of her own soon. She is an adorably sweet self made princess and she’s a LOT of work. (I know…did we really need a dog? I whined and pouted though…so he gave in). There’s been lots of talk about moving and the wedding…but tiny baby steps towards each. This is what I love about our relationship. We talk. When I’m pissy and moody and snappy about things (yea, those who know me nod in agreement) I’m just not a fun person to be around. SB is patient…and we always talk about it. I’m figuring out where these moods stem from and taking care of them on sarcastic phrase at a time.
I’m cautious about the move…and cautious about the wedding plans…and these are both a very good thing. I’m SO not good at baby steps. I like big ol’ giant leaps a lot better. But I want this next year…this life of ours…to be built with thought and analyzed with a purpose, not just thrown together. I want peace and love and seren….ah shit…did Jan just piss in the floor again? BEN!!!!!
😉
untitled.
I feel like I am on a journey. a spiritual, growing up, peace finding journey. Actually…once I realized this, it became clear that I’ve been on this journey for almost a year now. At times it seems crazy to think about how much life has changed in the past few years, but when I look at the changes I smile. I used to constantly fight with myself between doing what’s right…and doing what feels right. I almost always did the latter even though I always knew better. And I almost always felt the blow of consequences that followed. I was frequently frustrated…always confused with what I wanted. Now, for the first time ever, what I want is what’s right. What feels right…and what IS right…are very seldom two different things for me now. I can’t begin to describe to you the peace that has brought to my life.
When Ben and I met we were both extremely unbalanced people. We were so wrong for each other and the timing couldn’t have been worse. About a year later…everything lined up. We went on a date. Started over. I wasn’t sure we would ever earn each others trust, and let me tell you it was NOT easy. But we did. We found trust, and balance, and priorities. We became a family and most importantly I learned how to put other people first. I was such a selfish person…and I’m learning how to love selflessly. I’m learning how to love the way people need to be loved. The rewards and the contentment and the….peace that comes from it is nothing like I can ever explain.
I don’t know where all of this has come from. Maybe from the awesome weekend that is ending. The weekend I so needed to relax, recharge my batteries (as Ben puts it), and reflect. School has started back and I feel the stress starting to build back up. I don’t, however, feel that “thing” I used to feel. I used to have this little…ball of energy. Negative, confused energy. It bounced back and forth from side and side and never allowed me to just stop. and be content. and feel peace. This journey of mine has helped that crazy energy go away. I’ve finally said “this is what I want…and I am going to do what’s right to get it”. at times it was damn near impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel…and the number of people who are no longer in my life or who are no where near where they used to be in my life is huge. but the people who have embraced the change..or have at least acknowledged the change and remained patient, i am so so thankful for. no…i can’t do this by myself. yes…i do need help. this is just the beginning ….stay tuned. 🙂
He went to Jared. :)
I’m engaged!!! 🙂 Here’s how it went down:
A month or so ago Ben marked a weekend on our gmail calendar as “Do not plan a thing”. Hhmm…my interest is peaked. We’re big on planning surprise trips or dates for each other, so I had a few ideas in my head. A few days prior to the weekend, I was having a crappy day. We found out that canceling our lease would require selling a kidney so my heart was sunken with the thought of driving the same commute to work until at least March. SB lifted my spirits by telling me that the weekend would involve a cabin in Blue Ridge, a hot tub, lots of food and beverages, and four of our close friends: Kit, Bob, Kim, and James. I was stoked! An adult weekend away was the best way to wrap up the summer before returning back to work!
So Friday is finally here and we got off to a late start. I dropped SniperHBK off with his dad, SB made last minute trips to the store, we finished packing, loaded up, stopped for a quick dinner, sat in traffic, sang some Eminem while driving in the rain, and finally made it to Wild Azalea! The others were there waiting and we had an awesome night! We filled the hot tub with beer and laughter and memories and woke up the next morning feeling a little…well…yeah, hungover. It was a lazy day filled with naps and eating and movies. At one point we all decided to go for a walk outside. Ben was very eager about our walk! We went down a trail to the water and by the time I made it back up I was done. Hot, tired, hungover, done. Ben suggested we go for a bit more of a walk (bless him…he was trying!)..but I needed air conditioning and a nap. After some much needed recovery, SB and I went out to the porch to enjoy the view. We both really love the mountains. Thin air, lots of green, lots of quiet. As we were enjoying the view Ben asked me an odd question…
SB: “Are you happy?”….
SJ: “Of course I’m happy…”
SB: “Are you like…the happiest ever?”
SJ: giggling…”I mean..yeah, I’m pretty dang happy”
At this point I start to notice a change. His heart literally felt like it was about to beat out of his chest. I looked up at him a bit confused and asked something along the lines of..”Are you ok?”
SB: “I need you to do me a favor…” reaches in pocket
SJ: Oh…my…God…are you kidding me?
Sweet words…a few tears…and a “Yes! I will!” later…and we were engaged! We announced the news to our friends (who had no idea it was going to happen) and we spent the rest of the weekend floating around in Blue Ridge.
So now the planning starts! We’re not typically traditional people..and this will be a second marriage for both of us, so we’ve thrown a lot of ideas and dates around. Nothing is definite yet…but Vegas in April is looking like a mighty fine idea!
Road Trip – NC (Day 2)
Day 2 of NC was a perfect way to wrap up our family road trip! The boys and I, along with the Bateman’s, headed off to play in the Atlantic for a few hours! After a quick stop at the “Shark Store” for a boogie board, a kite, and sand toys, we arrived at the beautiful beach! As a child, my family typically went to the Gulf for our vacations and the beaches there are gawgeous! I have to admit I was surprised to see how nice the Atlantic was how big and beautiful the waves were. Perfect for boogie boarding and body surfing. 🙂 Chase had the best time playing in the waves. I was a nervous wreck as usual…thinking he was going out too far…worried about the under toe…etc., but everybody had a safe, fun time. We wrapped up the day with some fresh seafood and a great dinner. By the end of the day we were full, tired, sunburned, and happy. We had such an amazing time on our trip, but we all agreed we were ready to be home. One final night in NC and we were heading home to sweet ol’ Georgia. The ride home was nice and quiet for the most part. Chase amazed me as a road tripper and really was an awesome car rider. As we crossed into the Georgia state line we found a Randy Travis station on Pandora that brought me right back to road trips I’ve taken in my life and the trips I took as a child in my dad’s ‘big truck’. As we listened and sang along I laughed and cried and smiled and shared stories and memories that the old country songs brought back to me. I felt lucky to have had the ‘abnormal childhood’ that I often joke about and to have such great memories connected to song…and even more lucky that my son will have his own road trip stories to tell now. This trip was my favorite part of my summer vacation…and little did I know it would soon be tied with another favorite part of the summer…just a few weeks later…
The Pics:
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Muthaz Day!
Today was Mother’s Day, and I have to admit, it was the best one in recent memory. I got to spend it with my two favorite mothers, my own mom and Jess. What made it so great was that it was low-key, stress-free, and full of love.
This morning, Chase and I got up and made Jess a fantabulous breakfast (biscuits and sausage gravy). Then we sat around and just chilled before heading over to my parents. Usually an afternoon at my folks is filled with stress and hustling and moving food from here to there and dozens of family (which I love the family, don’t get me wrong) and all the usual stuff, but today was different. It was just Me, Jess, Chase, Mom, Dad, Heather, Jason, and the twins. We grilled up some burgers and dogs while Chase ran around outside. Then we had a lunch and just enjoyed some time chatting and playing with the kiddos. After helping with some stuff around the house, it was time to head back to Sniperville and enjoy some downtime with my own little family.
We took a short little nap before Jess jumped right into her first writing assignment for her masters program. I have to commend her on sticking with it. She’s been out of the world of writing and learning and going through the learning process for a while, but she did it. I read her paper and it sounds like she hasn’t missed a beat.
After the paper was done, we put Chase to bed and just enjoyed the rest of the night on the couch watching some TV and just being together. It seems like only a shot while that Jess and I have been together, but at the same time, it feels like a lifetime. She means the world to me. She is a fantastic mother to her son and she is a great woman to me. She is strong, independent, caring, understanding, patient, and eager to grow with me. She’s there for me when I am down and need some help getting back up, and she let’s me help her when she’s not at her peak. We work together, listen, understand, and strive to make every day better than the previous.
I love this woman who has come into my life. I love her for everything she is and everything I know she will be in the future. I will try my hardest to remind her every day how special she is to me and how much I truly do love her.
Thank you Jess for being you. I love you.
Date Night Duel!
Remember that awesome date night I planned for SB?? It was all thought out and planned ahead and unique?? Well…I’ve been one-upped…er like…10 upped!
SB had a date night planned for us, complete with Sniperhints throughout the week. He used words like ‘dark’ and ‘not too light’ and I thought he just needed words to rhymn with ‘park’. Turns out his hints lead us to Dialogue in the Dark at Atlantic Station Friday night! I was beyond stoked. I’d heard about the exhibit from friends and couldn’t wait to experience it!
Let me tell you…at first I was a step or two away from an anxiety attack. We got our walking canes and the lights went off and we were let go to bump into everything explore. I felt totally out of control and cramped. I was unsure and stumbling and just semi freaking out. I would NOT let go of SB’s hand, but eventually I had to. I would occasionally smell him or hear his voice close and that calmed me. About halfway through the tour I started to relax. I stopped trying to “see” (I know, silly) and really tuned into my other senses. I explored a little on my own and used my hands a lot. By the end of the tour I was navigating my way around like a pro not so crazy person! Our guide was totally blind and so awesome. It was an amazing experience to spend an hour in the shoes of someone with a disability. If you haven’t tried it you really should!
Our next stop was dinner. After the tour we were both starving so I was thrilled to see that our reservations were at Geisha House. We drank wine and ate the most delicious sushi! (Ok..not as good as our first date sushi…but damn good!) Me becoming the old prude I am was content with heading home after dinner, but Ben had one last surprise up his sleeve. Date Night @ 10:00 right down the road. I’ve been wanting to see it since it came out b/c let’s face it…is there ANYone funnier than Tina Fey or Steve Carrell? Exactly…
We stopped here for a delicious little dessert and went to the movie. It was hilarious and did NOT disappoint. It was just the perfect date night. The weather was awesome and there’s no where I’d rather be these days than hand in hand with my guy. 🙂 We finally made it home to crash and get ready for the rest of the weekend=Ben’s camping trip with the guys. He better blog about it soon…and I promise you’re gonna wanna stay tuned for these stories. (Don’t worry guys…I’m sure he won’t share ALL of them with blogland.)
A Very Turner Easter!
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Here are some pics from Easter! It was a very Turner Easter indeed. The SniperJess family still has some things to work out as far as ‘holidays sans domestic disbutes’…so we kept it the three of us. We also went to SniperBen’s family’s church cabin for food and egg hunts!
We started the holiday off by dying easter eggs. This is a childhood tradition for me (and most really) so it’s something I would love to pass down to Chase. We made striped eggs and pretty pastel eggs and the ever so crucial ‘everything’ egg which turned out much prettier than I remembered! We had a few mini hunts around the apartment for Chase then hit the kitchen…
Ahhh…our happy place. We are getting SO much better at planning and carrying out our big meals lately. This holiday called for cupcakes and muffins! I’ve been addicted to making cornbread muffins and putting creamed corn in the batter. They turned out delish! We also whipped up some stellar cupcakes. SB on the cake…SJ on the decor! They turned out so cute!
Lunch at the church cabin was traditional Easter lunch but very delicious..then the kids grabbed up what felt like 483290483 easter eggs from the field. We all had fun, got lots of great pics, and enjoyed the warm weather. In fact…after the egg hunt we stopped by for some swim suits and had our first swim of the year. The pool at the apartment is lots of fun and I anticipate some bloggin about the good times to come there.
So that’s it! Regular ol’ sniper fun on Easter. Hope yours was sniperrific as well!
Stone Mountain Date Night
It all started with an email I received on Tuesday Apr 6th.
Jess:
while I was walking around monitoring my kids…i came up with the BEST idea. 🙂
I know it’s going to be a long week for both of us, so I want us to have something to look forward to….so do me a favor? keep your plans for Friday night free. the whole night. I got a lil something up my sleeve. 🙂
We both knew that Friday didn’t really have any thing going on, and Jess could sense that I was feeling a bit of the gloom monster. So she cooked up this crazy idea. She wouldn’t tell me, but she did send me several hints though out the week. Actually, they were “sniperhints”.
Continue reading “Stone Mountain Date Night”